Public Transport

Everyone hates public transport but I reckon it can be pretty sweet.  NOTE: This is a REALLY long blog. But take the past 2 weeks as an example:

Public Transport Example 1:
Since I basically live in Alabama, catching a Greyhound bus across the country is WAY cheaper than flying, but everyone kept telling me not to do it because it's full of crazy people & criminals.  So I caught an 18 hour Greyhound.

It actually was pretty tough, every single seat was full and there was barely enough space to fit even without luggage.  Basically half the people looked like they were ruthless black gangsters, while the other half looked like they were ruthless latino gangsters, and I probably looked like a geeky tourist! It was pretty crazy cos there was a really depressing atmosphere the whole way that you had to get used to over a few hours.  So every hour or so when you came to a new stop and new people would get onto the bus, they would walk onto the bus in a line and all look fairly worried at first, and it felt just like in the prison movies when "fresh meat" arrives and everyone is sussing them out, trying to figure out who will crack first.

Or atleast thats what I was doing for the first few hours, but then eventually I saw a REALLY hot latino chic get onto the bus and then get hassled by the bus driver for some reason.  So at the next pit stop I sat next to her, and it turned out she's a pot-head, which was awesome cos everytime the bus would stop somewhere for 10 minutes we would sneak somewhere and have a toke for the ride, so it turned out to be a pretty mad trip ;-)  We nearly missed the bus about 4 times too, and I even had to run in front of the bus at one stage cos he wanted to drive off without us!  This was awesome cos I had actually been thinking for the past week how much I felt like a smoke after living in the middle of nowhere for 5 months.

Anyway, this chic was half Italian, half Greek (oooh yeah) and a really cool chic but unfortunately for me, she was a lesbian.  And even after she told me, I still managed to fall for her just cos she was so damn hot, but anyway she told me about how her very christian Mum dis-owned her & always told her she's evil for being a lesbian!  I couldn't believe a Mum could hate her own daughter for being a hot lesbian, what a cowardly bitch!  Pure evil if you ask me.  But anyway, I was definitely glad I caught the 18 hour bus instead of a 1 hour flight, simply cos I made a cool friend.

Public Transport Example 2:
When I got to Australia I caught a train to my old house in Brisbane, and just next to me was a fat lady with her 3 kids that were always running around.  And when we passed "Toowong" station, the Mum spoke wisely to her little children, saying: "Oy, this is where your shithead of a Dad lives.  If that fucken cunt of a bastard gets anywhere near me again I'm gonna fucken kill that motherfucker!"

After telling that to my brother, he laughed so hard that we decided we would catch a train again that night.

Public Transport Example 3:
On the 1st night me & my brother were in Brisbane, we were both really jet-lagged but decided we would go to a pub or something for a quick drink but then call it a night.  So we waited for a train to the city, and then these 2 fairly decent 19yr old chics walked past (a brunette with HUGE tits, and a skinny blonde) and so we pretended we were dumb and asking what to do in Brisbane.  It turned out that the blonde chic was absolutely wasted and ended up causing a whole night of crazy laughs for us.  A few minutes later another chic came to the train stop wearing all black cos she just finished work.

But this chic was sitting on the bench with her legs up and bent back, and started smoking a spliff (ie: obviously a metal / gothic chic) so the blonde chic next to us started ripping into the metal chic saying all this stuff like "Why the fuck are you wearing black?  Stop being so depressed!  Look at you, you're sitting like a guy!  What, don't you have a fanny or something?  And sit up straight! You should be proud of being a girl!"  We thought the metal chic would start a fight or something but instead we were all just laughing our heads off at the blonde chic, cos the metal chic was saying that she's wearing her work uniform since she works at a cafe, but the blonde chic just kept ripping into her saying all this stuff like "See, I'm a lady lady, but you're a man lady.  And why are you smoking weed, don't you know its a depressant, you should atleast take something that makes you feel good, like pills or something."  Even the metal chic was in tears on the ground laughing so hard!  I kept trying to take videos but my camera's batteries were dead, I was so pissed off!  And Shane said that it was the funniest experience of his whole life!

So anyway, on the train we sat next to the chics and they were swearing really loudly about the time someone spiked the brunette's drink and she was spewing blood everywhere.  So I asked them where it happened and they said the Down-Under Bar.  Straight away Shane looked at me with a smile cos I was telling him earlier that it has a reputation for being the sluttiest place in Brisbane.  Then I asked them where they're heading to now and they said the Down-Under Bar!

At the Down-Under Bar, we met up with their 3 Maori / Islander friends,.  The blonde chic was a hairdresser so she was always playing with everyone's hair but after some more drinks she was dancing everywhere and eventually took my hat and started dancing on our table.  And not long after, I was dancing with her ontop of our table!  Eventually the blonde chic knocked over a random chic's drink and the chic got really annoyed and was about to start a fight so we all left.  I asked the brunette chic (the blonde chic's best friend) if this was a standard Friday night for them and she said yes.  And that a few weeks ago after getting kicked out of the clubs they ended up going to a strip joint and the blonde chic jumped onto a stage and started undressing but then she got kicked out again!

So we were all walking around trying to get into other clubs but we kept getting refused cos the blonde chic was too drunk.  But when we passed a stretch-limousine that was waiting on the side of the road, the blonde chic started chatting to the limo driver and the brunette chic was trying to look into the tinted windows to see if there were celebrities inside.  Me & Shane were telling them not too, but then suddenly the limo driver told the blonde chic that he would give us all a free ride, so we got into the limo with the blonde, brunette and their 3 Islander friends and he gave us a free cruise through the city!  It was so much good, I cant believe I couldn't take photos!  The limo was actually owned by a classy nightclub called Caesars, so the driver even gave us free tickets into Caesars and dropped us off at their red carpet!  But even after stepping out of the limousine with the whole red carpet entrance, the blonde chic got denied for being too drunk!  And then she started going off at the big male & female bouncers saying "You cant tell me I'm not allowed in, look at you, you look like shit, get a haircut!"  We managed to stop her before she got into another fight and we kept saying to her "You need to stop shouting & settle down" and the blonde chic would just yell "I'M NOT FUCKEN SHOUTING, I'M PERFECTLY NORMAL!" but we managed to get her into our last resort:  the casino!

At the casino, she started dancing with the absolutely biggest & most intimidating guy I've ever seen in my life!  He was a really tall Maori that was built like a machine and looked really angry and had a skinhead except for his little rats tail to show how hard he is.  So the blonde chic was dancing with him and playing with his rats tail saying "Look at how shit this is, if I was at work I could just chop this straight off" and suddenly we were all shit worried thinking he might kill her cos she just crossed the line and you just don't say that to a 300lb monster!  Luckily he didn't do anything and they just kept dancing for a while.  Eventually they came back to our table and the blonde chic was rubbing against him and trying to dance with him for about 10 minutes but he just looked too pissed off, and she kept saying things like "Hey why do you look so angry, you should be more happy with your life" and he would just make a grunt noise and not say anything.  Then the brunette suddenly grabbed the blonde and they said they are going home and walked off.  The huge Maori suddenly went nuts and goes "What the fuck!  I'm gonna grab that bitch and throw her off the balcony!" and chased after her!  Five of us tried to stop him but he got through us all and chased after the blonde, but luckily the chics got the security guards to stop him and the chics went outside.  I didn't know why the Maori went nuts, but then when he got back we all realised that while the blonde chic was dancing with him before, she cut his rats tail off!!  He just had a little stub left!!  We couldn't believe it, no wonder he wanted to kill her!!


Anyway, the 2 chics went outside and the brunette tried to send the blonde chic home in a taxi cos she was too drunk.  The blonde chic kept saying she wanted to stay and eventually bitch-slapped the brunette chic so hard that it got swollen!  So then the brunette chic punched the blonde chic in the face, ending up with blood on her knuckles!!!  Then blonde chic finally went home, with a cut lip!


So thats why I love public transport, cos otherwise I wouldn't have so many stories!

Land of the free?

Man America is supposed to be the land of the free.  At the moment I live across the road from my work (you can even see it from my window), but today I wasn't even allowed to cross the road between my house and my work cos President Bush is giving a talk at the community hall next door!  I can understand why they would have extra security, but just to get across the road to my place, I have to walk over 6km in the rain because theres a military lock-down for the entire area with cops & military & guard dogs EVERYWHERE in the suburb!  There's even military commands being yelled out over big horn-speakers, its just like worst parts of Iran!

But I can sorta understand the paranoia today cos basically everyone here I know owns a large gun and it is the President.  What I can't understand is what happened last week, when someone went to jail for wearing a terrorist costume on Halloween!!  I thought the whole point of Halloween was to dress up to be scary, but now there's even laws about how to dress up on Halloween!  It just happens that I was planning on dressing up as a terrorist on Halloween too, so its REALLY lucky I didn't cos I would have got fucked over a lot more than the U.S. citizen that got arrested for it!

Ignoring whats happening overseas, how can a government win a "War on Terrorism" when they're even terrorising their own citizens?

Checkout my sikh wheels bro!

Yesterday we got motorised scooters off eBay, which are so much fucken fun and so much better than riding a push bike for 6 miles (10km) everyday for work!
... BUT ... I already got pulled over by the cops today, cos theyre not legal to ride on the streets!  He said you're not even allowed to ride motorised vehicles on the pathway but I have a feeling I'll be better off riding on the pathway than the road.  FUCK it sucks, we both bought the bikes for transportation to work & back and to goto the shops and the beach, now we find out they cant be used for transport!
I was gonna ride to the beach today but then after getting pulled over just outside my house, I ended up catching the bus to the beach instead, and now obviously if i get caught again I'll get screwed.  And the thing is that I see atleast 1 or 2 cop cars NEARLY EVERY SINGLE DAY!  There's just so many cop cars here its insane.  I've seriously seen cops arrest or pull someone over atleast once every 2 days average I've been in USA!
Actually last night was pretty crazy, theres a night club that just opened across the road from our work, and last night when we were about to go home, there were all these cops around including a fucken police helicopter that was hovering over my work building!!  We literally walked out of building and suddenly saw all these cops and then the cop helicopter shone its huge spotlight on us thinking we were criminals or something!  I tried to get it on video but by the time I filmed it the helicopter was leaving so it doesn't look very cool.  So we had to ride the backstreets with our scooters since there were cop cars literally 20 metres from our work.

SO ANNOYING!  I'm gonna check to see if we can get number plates for them but its very unlikely, which means we just wasted US$ 550 on 2 toys!  FUUUUUUUCKKK!

Updated on October 1st:  To get back at the company, I gave them a REDICULOUSLY bad eBay feedback which tarnishes their eBay reputation, I wrote: "DONT BUY! Low quality scooters, made illegally in China, not road worthy in USA!".  The company went nuts and got my personal information off eBay and started emailing me saying they did everything they could so if I remove the bad feedback they'll give me $40 USD for the trouble and they'll remove the bad feedback they gave me.  They said I should "sell them to the kids in the neighborhood to get the rest of my money back"!  I obviously know that you can't ride the scooters legally in public so as if I'm gonna try to scam other people, so I'm leaving the bad feedback.  Not even Ari's mum can buy me for just $40!

In the ghetto .... In the Ghetto ...

I officially live in the ghetto, and its not nearly as cool as Elvis' song "In the ghetto ..." makes it out to be!  Me and my workmate from MIT moved to a new place last night, which turns out to be in the ghetto!  I've actually rode a bike to this area (4km from my work) a few times and I still haven't seen A SINGLE WHITE PERSON YET!! It's seriously 100% black people living in the ghetto, no kidding!  Every 4 houses or so is like Al's house but worse!  There's so much crap sitting on so many people lawns (like old, dirty matresses & junk) and there's just black people walking around or sitting on their porch all day doing nothing.  Apparently it wasn't quite as bad before, but its been getting worse ever since the hurricane about a year ago .

This morning on the way to work at 9am, about 5 houses away from my house I heard angry dogs barking at me and I thought "Shit, I'm glad they would be locked up cos they sound brutal!", and then all of a sudden 2 pitbull terriors run out in front of me, cos they weren't locked up behind a gate or chained up or anything!  They started barking at me so I tried to calm them down but I accidentally tripped over a rock which scared the fuck out of the dogs so they went totally nuts at me, jumping all over me and trying to bite my hands and shoulders and shit!  Luckily they left me alone after about 20 seconds.  I've decided from now I'll walk on the opposite side of the road!

And then tonight I walked again at 9pm, and there were 2 black kids that left their house just as I was walking past, so I was talking to them for a bit.  The younger kid had to be about 15/16, and the older kid would have been about 17/18.  I asked them what they're doing and they just said "not much, just chillin, tryin to sell some green or some pills, you have change for a twenty?", and cutting the story short, I had a feeling they might do something dodgy so when they asked me where I was going I pretended to go somewhere close by.

After about 5 minutes of walking with them the younger kid threw a boulder at me from behind!  The older kid pretended like it was some completely random thing from the kid so I just said "man take it easy!" and walked off but then he threw another boulder at me from behind, and so i knew they obviously wanted me to fight them so they must have either had a weapon (they both always had one of their hands tucked in their pants) or friends close by since they were drug dealers, so I ran off.  They chased me for a few blocks even though I zigzagged but eventually I lost them but I kept running until I passed the area I told them I would go to.

It happens that I've literally walked through my neighbourhood twice at night now and both times black people have attempted to mug me, and since I usually have to take my passport with me and other important shit, from now on I'm gonna stick to walking in the daytime, even though it means walking for 4km in 39 to 42 degree sun!

My 1st day in America

OK I know it's stupid, but I didn't start clearing my room and packing for my 3 month trip to USA until midnight (9 hours before I had to leave), cos I ended up going to a BBQ and jamming on the Gold Coast.  Well I managed to finish by 8:15am ... see I could have even started at 12:45am and would have been OK!

On the flight to USA, I sat next to 2 Americans that talked non-stop about relationships & similar bullshit, no kidding I was already sick of Americans while I was still at Brisbane Airport!  I thought America would be full of rich white people constantly talking about their really boring lives, luckily I was heaps wrong, the second I got to LA, I realised that America is actually full of Latinos and Mexicans and Blacks, etc, and only the rich white Americans come to Australia.  So many hot brunettes everywhere it was awesome!  Something I REALLY wasn't expecting is that almost no-one understands what I'm saying and I don't understand most of them cos of different ascents.  At one stage I had to type my address into my mobile phone to show the guy cos he couldn't figure out what I was saying!  At the LA border I had to go through extra security checks & interviews cos I'm a wog, and they gave me a "Special Registration", which means I have to do it again every so often as well as before I leave USA.  It was kinda funny cos the only 2 people on the whole 747 plane (hundreds of people) that were pulled aside was a guy for being to jail and me for being born in Iran.

My flight from LA to Miami was pretty cool but, I sat next to a rediculously hot chic that was heaps cool and turned out to be a famous celebrity, wearing big sunglasses as a disguise :-)  When I told her that I didn't recognise her, she was so glad cos she said she hates all the constant attention and how everytime you slip up your all over the media and you can't go anywhere in public without people talking to you.  While we were on the flight (for 5 hours), two different people came upto her to start talking and she told them she wanted to be alone.  She said she's been doing it for 10 years now but she's really over it but has to keep doing it for another 12 months cos of her contract, and the only friend she has in the world is her sister, all of her "friends" are really just "acquaintances" that only like her because of her job, and she has to fly to random places around USA about once per week and she lives by herself in a mobile campervan and she's really over it.  She said she wouldn't tell me what she does until we leave the flight because I probably wouldn't believe her.  Since she had allergies and said she never gets a chance to eat and so was eating all my lollies and chocolates, and cos she was constantly saying how ugly she looks now cos she's so tired and doesn't have any make up on, I figured she couldn't be a sports star, she must be either an actor or a model.  It turned out the 1st friend I made in America is a famous porn star!  She even shown me some of her glamour shots ... much better than your average in-flight entertainment!

When I got to Miami I realised Florida is rediculously hotter than anywhere I've ever been to, even though it was 10pm!  I stayed overnight at Miami Beach till my 7:30am flight the next day.  Even though everyone kept telling me that Miami is full of snobs I figured I'm only there for the night so I might as well go hard so I went to a pub down the road that had bands playing.  I hated it at 1st cos the bartender couldnt understand me properly and so it was a bitch to find out what a normal beer is, I ended up getting a Heineken cos atleast I knew it wasn't Light beer, but it cost $6 USD just for the beer!  I thought I was gonna run out of money really quick, and whenever I tried to talk to the local shielas they would either not understand me or laugh at me.  Eventually I talked to this black guy who understood me cos he's from England, and he said to ask for the "25 cent beer".  I thought he was bullshitting, but it was real, the same place that just charged me $6 when I asked for a normal beer had a ruthless special of 25 cents for a small cup of Budweiser, but you could only buy one at a time.  Needless to say I got wasted and it only cost me about $2, and I made friends with the guy cos he was obscessed with the World Cup.  I managed to get home at some stage, ready for my flight in a few hours.  What I didn't realise is that even though I set my alarm correctly and changed to the local time in USA, Miami is in a different time zone than LA when I did it!  I ended up missing my plane cos my phone was using the wrong time zone!  I had to wait an extra 4 hours but it wasn't that big of a deal.  And so ends my 1st day in America.