Public Transport

Everyone hates public transport but I reckon it can be pretty sweet.  NOTE: This is a REALLY long blog. But take the past 2 weeks as an example:

Public Transport Example 1:
Since I basically live in Alabama, catching a Greyhound bus across the country is WAY cheaper than flying, but everyone kept telling me not to do it because it's full of crazy people & criminals.  So I caught an 18 hour Greyhound.

It actually was pretty tough, every single seat was full and there was barely enough space to fit even without luggage.  Basically half the people looked like they were ruthless black gangsters, while the other half looked like they were ruthless latino gangsters, and I probably looked like a geeky tourist! It was pretty crazy cos there was a really depressing atmosphere the whole way that you had to get used to over a few hours.  So every hour or so when you came to a new stop and new people would get onto the bus, they would walk onto the bus in a line and all look fairly worried at first, and it felt just like in the prison movies when "fresh meat" arrives and everyone is sussing them out, trying to figure out who will crack first.

Or atleast thats what I was doing for the first few hours, but then eventually I saw a REALLY hot latino chic get onto the bus and then get hassled by the bus driver for some reason.  So at the next pit stop I sat next to her, and it turned out she's a pot-head, which was awesome cos everytime the bus would stop somewhere for 10 minutes we would sneak somewhere and have a toke for the ride, so it turned out to be a pretty mad trip ;-)  We nearly missed the bus about 4 times too, and I even had to run in front of the bus at one stage cos he wanted to drive off without us!  This was awesome cos I had actually been thinking for the past week how much I felt like a smoke after living in the middle of nowhere for 5 months.

Anyway, this chic was half Italian, half Greek (oooh yeah) and a really cool chic but unfortunately for me, she was a lesbian.  And even after she told me, I still managed to fall for her just cos she was so damn hot, but anyway she told me about how her very christian Mum dis-owned her & always told her she's evil for being a lesbian!  I couldn't believe a Mum could hate her own daughter for being a hot lesbian, what a cowardly bitch!  Pure evil if you ask me.  But anyway, I was definitely glad I caught the 18 hour bus instead of a 1 hour flight, simply cos I made a cool friend.

Public Transport Example 2:
When I got to Australia I caught a train to my old house in Brisbane, and just next to me was a fat lady with her 3 kids that were always running around.  And when we passed "Toowong" station, the Mum spoke wisely to her little children, saying: "Oy, this is where your shithead of a Dad lives.  If that fucken cunt of a bastard gets anywhere near me again I'm gonna fucken kill that motherfucker!"

After telling that to my brother, he laughed so hard that we decided we would catch a train again that night.

Public Transport Example 3:
On the 1st night me & my brother were in Brisbane, we were both really jet-lagged but decided we would go to a pub or something for a quick drink but then call it a night.  So we waited for a train to the city, and then these 2 fairly decent 19yr old chics walked past (a brunette with HUGE tits, and a skinny blonde) and so we pretended we were dumb and asking what to do in Brisbane.  It turned out that the blonde chic was absolutely wasted and ended up causing a whole night of crazy laughs for us.  A few minutes later another chic came to the train stop wearing all black cos she just finished work.

But this chic was sitting on the bench with her legs up and bent back, and started smoking a spliff (ie: obviously a metal / gothic chic) so the blonde chic next to us started ripping into the metal chic saying all this stuff like "Why the fuck are you wearing black?  Stop being so depressed!  Look at you, you're sitting like a guy!  What, don't you have a fanny or something?  And sit up straight! You should be proud of being a girl!"  We thought the metal chic would start a fight or something but instead we were all just laughing our heads off at the blonde chic, cos the metal chic was saying that she's wearing her work uniform since she works at a cafe, but the blonde chic just kept ripping into her saying all this stuff like "See, I'm a lady lady, but you're a man lady.  And why are you smoking weed, don't you know its a depressant, you should atleast take something that makes you feel good, like pills or something."  Even the metal chic was in tears on the ground laughing so hard!  I kept trying to take videos but my camera's batteries were dead, I was so pissed off!  And Shane said that it was the funniest experience of his whole life!

So anyway, on the train we sat next to the chics and they were swearing really loudly about the time someone spiked the brunette's drink and she was spewing blood everywhere.  So I asked them where it happened and they said the Down-Under Bar.  Straight away Shane looked at me with a smile cos I was telling him earlier that it has a reputation for being the sluttiest place in Brisbane.  Then I asked them where they're heading to now and they said the Down-Under Bar!

At the Down-Under Bar, we met up with their 3 Maori / Islander friends,.  The blonde chic was a hairdresser so she was always playing with everyone's hair but after some more drinks she was dancing everywhere and eventually took my hat and started dancing on our table.  And not long after, I was dancing with her ontop of our table!  Eventually the blonde chic knocked over a random chic's drink and the chic got really annoyed and was about to start a fight so we all left.  I asked the brunette chic (the blonde chic's best friend) if this was a standard Friday night for them and she said yes.  And that a few weeks ago after getting kicked out of the clubs they ended up going to a strip joint and the blonde chic jumped onto a stage and started undressing but then she got kicked out again!

So we were all walking around trying to get into other clubs but we kept getting refused cos the blonde chic was too drunk.  But when we passed a stretch-limousine that was waiting on the side of the road, the blonde chic started chatting to the limo driver and the brunette chic was trying to look into the tinted windows to see if there were celebrities inside.  Me & Shane were telling them not too, but then suddenly the limo driver told the blonde chic that he would give us all a free ride, so we got into the limo with the blonde, brunette and their 3 Islander friends and he gave us a free cruise through the city!  It was so much good, I cant believe I couldn't take photos!  The limo was actually owned by a classy nightclub called Caesars, so the driver even gave us free tickets into Caesars and dropped us off at their red carpet!  But even after stepping out of the limousine with the whole red carpet entrance, the blonde chic got denied for being too drunk!  And then she started going off at the big male & female bouncers saying "You cant tell me I'm not allowed in, look at you, you look like shit, get a haircut!"  We managed to stop her before she got into another fight and we kept saying to her "You need to stop shouting & settle down" and the blonde chic would just yell "I'M NOT FUCKEN SHOUTING, I'M PERFECTLY NORMAL!" but we managed to get her into our last resort:  the casino!

At the casino, she started dancing with the absolutely biggest & most intimidating guy I've ever seen in my life!  He was a really tall Maori that was built like a machine and looked really angry and had a skinhead except for his little rats tail to show how hard he is.  So the blonde chic was dancing with him and playing with his rats tail saying "Look at how shit this is, if I was at work I could just chop this straight off" and suddenly we were all shit worried thinking he might kill her cos she just crossed the line and you just don't say that to a 300lb monster!  Luckily he didn't do anything and they just kept dancing for a while.  Eventually they came back to our table and the blonde chic was rubbing against him and trying to dance with him for about 10 minutes but he just looked too pissed off, and she kept saying things like "Hey why do you look so angry, you should be more happy with your life" and he would just make a grunt noise and not say anything.  Then the brunette suddenly grabbed the blonde and they said they are going home and walked off.  The huge Maori suddenly went nuts and goes "What the fuck!  I'm gonna grab that bitch and throw her off the balcony!" and chased after her!  Five of us tried to stop him but he got through us all and chased after the blonde, but luckily the chics got the security guards to stop him and the chics went outside.  I didn't know why the Maori went nuts, but then when he got back we all realised that while the blonde chic was dancing with him before, she cut his rats tail off!!  He just had a little stub left!!  We couldn't believe it, no wonder he wanted to kill her!!


Anyway, the 2 chics went outside and the brunette tried to send the blonde chic home in a taxi cos she was too drunk.  The blonde chic kept saying she wanted to stay and eventually bitch-slapped the brunette chic so hard that it got swollen!  So then the brunette chic punched the blonde chic in the face, ending up with blood on her knuckles!!!  Then blonde chic finally went home, with a cut lip!


So thats why I love public transport, cos otherwise I wouldn't have so many stories!